(I cannot express – in one blog – how and why I hate the Yankees. It’d require a book to describe the Bombers’ traumatic impact on me. So, I’m limiting this to a few snapshots as I try to endure the 2009 Yankees, who I dread, will win it all).
1. Let’s start with the uniforms. That’s right. I HATE the home Pinstripes. They symbolize the corporate, serious, dull, businesslike nature of the NY Yankees.
2. The Yankees are a monopoly. The Yankees are Exxon, Mobil, GM, Lockheed. THE BANK of Major League Baseball. They’re the only team that ALWAYS has unlimited resources to get what they need to win a championship. The Yanks are the ONLY team that could go out and spend a guaranteed $423.5 million to sign three players prior to the 2009 season: C.C. Sabathia – 7 years, $161 million; A.J. Burnett – 5 years, $ 82.5 million; and, Mark Teixeira – 8 years, $180 million. These players have all performed well, helping the team to a likely World Series win. (The Red Sox have dough, but, they’re NOT in the Evil Empire’s league!)
3. The Yanks have, essentially, an All-Star team every year. It’s boring and sickening to watch an All-Star team beat up on lesser opponents every damn year. In many seasons, there are, literally, more Yankees who are present or former All-Stars, but, those who aren’t All-Stars could be. So, in 2009, if Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira and A-Rod are indisputable All-Stars and among the VERY BEST hitters in baseball, consider the rest of the Pinstripes’ lineup: Robinson Cano? He’s a scary .320 hitter (25 HRs, 204 hits) with a beautiful swing who bats 7th! Johnny Damon? Not chopped liver, either. Damon, a bit older, is still a great clutch, contact hitter who fouls off pitches with the best of em. Posada? A proven, top-notch, clutch hitter for years. Matsui? Still a terrific hitter (28 HRs, 90 RBI) who’s hard to strike out. Let’s see: That leaves their 8th and 9th hitters: Nick Swisher and Melky Cabrera, who, though overlooked, are both very good hitters. Every Yankee player is a GOOD hitter. Seven of their nine hitters hit more than 20 HRs in 2009, and, an 8th, Jeter, hit 18. This is not a normal, likeable team. It’s a MACHINE of overwhelming, overpowering efficiency. I want to throw up. Is this team on a level playing field with the others? NO–OO–OO !! It’s like the NBA “Dream Team” of years ago playing today’s New York Knicks.
4. The Yankees represent conformity, conventionality – The Status Quo. The Yankees do not change. They always have the upper hand. They’re always in control. To me, they’ve gradually become a symbol of the larger forces in life we’re all struggling to overcome — the demands of an employer you hate, the fight against time, being unable to find a parking space in Boston. (OK, this is my neurosis…sorry)
5. The Yankees are HUMOR-LESS. They’ve always appeared too serious. From Paul O’Neill’s tantrums at the plate to many of them whining constantly about called strikes. The other night, FOX announcer Joe Buck told the audience – again – the now-familiar story of how Nick Swisher has brought “a levity” to the Yankee clubhouse. I’ve been hearing this damned Swisher story all year! What – did the Yankees not know how to laugh until Swisher’s arrival? Then, there’s A.J. Burnett’s well-known routine of slapping a pie in the face of any Yankee being interviewed on TV about their game-winning heroics. It’s not spontaneous. Burnett, a mean-looking, somber dude on the mound, has done this every time, predictably. My reaction: It seems like the Yankees are dull-ly “going through the motions” even with the fun stuff!
6. The Yankees are obnoxiously cocky on the field. I’m just sick of watching Cano chewing gum in the on-deck circle; Jeter smiling as he stands on first base with his 2000th single or the endless “team conferences” on the mound, when we see the pseudo-huddling around the manager. What a bunch of showboats.
7. Joba Chamberlain. I can’t stand this guy. He’s a talented kid who acts like a cocky punk at times. I say that because he’s got a bad habit of throwing the ball at batters sometimes. From Aug. 2007 through July, 2008, Chamberlain threw the ball at Red Sox 1st baseman Kevin Youkilis FOUR times, forcing him to hit the dirt to avoid being hit. In the first 2007 incident, Chamberlain threw consecutive pitches that went behind Youkilis, and later, MLB suspended him for two games. In 2009, he appeared to throw the ball deliberately at Jason Bay, hitting him in the back after Bay had hit a home run off him earlier. He hit Tampa Bay’s Evan Longoria in 2009, and, that later prompted a retaliatory pitch against a Yankee. Who the hell does Chamberlain think he is? He’s lucky he has not been suspended more, if you ask me. Beyond that, he acts like he’s pitched for 20 years – when he celebrates his strikeouts with prolonged spin moves for the cameras. I’m glad the Angels spanked a few hits off Joba in their one win. He’s gotta grow up.
8. Yankee fans. I’m straying, but, I’ve always been puzzled how they can get excited about rooting for the Pinstripes. Where’s the suspense? To me, often it seems like rooting for the bullies to beat up the elementary school kids. Where’s the intrigue? Is “Mo” going to pitch 3 or 4 outs? Is A-Rod or “Tex” going to hit a HR? I couldn’t root for THE BANK. (Let me try: Let’s make more profits. Hip-Hip-Hooray!!)
9 & 10) Personal grief. Simply, the Yankees have caused me an inordinate amount of stress, shock, anger, sadness and disgust.
Two lowlights: First, when, in Oct. 1978, the Yankees won the one-game playoff with the Red Sox at Fenway Park. Yes, I was at the the Bucky (“Fucking”) Dent game; in fact, my group was among the last, stunned fans to leave the park. It had been one of the only years in my life the Red Sox had had good pitching, which attracted a Sports Illustrated cover story. Jim Rice was on fire. Yet, despite the Sox’ 14-game lead at mid-season, the Yankees came back and overtook the Sox during a Labor Day series forever remembered as the “Boston Massacre.” (I sat in the bleachers with friends for the 15 – 3 loss) Miraculously, the Sox then won 13 of their last 15 games, ending tied with the Yanks, forcing the playoff game, which ended with Yaz popping up vs. “Goose” Gossage with the tying and winning runs on base. I was crushed, and that one took days to get over. Second, the Grady Little game, Game 7 of the 2003 ACLS. Pedro Martinez, my all-time favorite, had pitched a beauty over seven innings against the Yankees and the Sox led 5 -3 starting the 8th. Everyone thought Pedro’s night was over. He was tired. But, Little left him in, the Yanks rallied and Aaron Boone hit the famous HR off Tim Wakefield. The next day, I witnessed the greatest outpouring of fan anger and disgust that I had ever seen. I was at a conference, and, at the first coffee break, people were spewing disgust, venting, still livid about it……but, in 2004, the Sox staged the greatest comeback in the history of sports to finally slay the Monster Yankees. Ding Dong the Witch Was Dead…….at least until 2009.
