Big Mike: I Want The Cubs To Lose

The 2010 season will be another in a century-long series of crossroads for the Cubs. They’re really not a contender in any rational sense of the word. They can win the NL Central, but only if every single major question mark turns out to be an exclamation point.

A mere 16 months ago, the team was coming off a regular season in which they led league in victories with a dynamite offense and stifling pitching. Now they’re hoping for miracles. Whoever runs this big market franchise has done some major fucking up.

That whoever is, of course, Hungry Jim Hendry. When Tom Ricketts and sibs took over ownership of the team this past fall, he announced he would stick with Hendry, much to my chagrin.  The assumption in Wrigleyville is that Hendry has one year to make coq au vin out of the steaming pile of shit he’s created.

J’accuse!

Some have suggested Ricketts is only hanging on to Hendry so the Hungry One can clean up his swamp of ill-advised back-loaded, NTC, long-term deals before another GM comes aboard. That’s like giving George Bush a third term just so he can turn around Iraq and Afghanistan and fix the economy. It’s hard to believe a successful business clan like the Ricketts would think that way.

One guess is that Ricketts is somewhat satisfied with the work Hendry’s done in his seven and a half years at the helm. Somewhat because Ricketts refused to say outright that Hendry would keep his job through the length of his contract. What’s even more likely is that Ricketts didn’t want to eat the three years remaining on Hendry’s deal, having loaded himself up to the Adam’s apple in debt to buy the team.

The New Bosses

With a year’s-worth of revenues (including 3M in attendance as well as WGN radio & TV and Comcast broadcasting fees) in their pockets, the Ricketts family ought to be feeling a tad more flush after the upcoming season. Here’s hoping the Cubs will lose 90 games in 2010 — as I’ve predicted.

That kind of plummet in two years would have to spell the end for Hendry. Couple the parent squad’s demise with the fact that Hendry’s farm system has produced nothing more than the pedestrian Ryan Theriot as a position player and only a psychotic would hold on to the man in charge. Then again, some might say anyone who chooses to buy the Cubs is by definition psychotic.

In case you didn’t know, Hendry was the boss of the farm system before he became GM under president Andy McPhail (or, as I like to refer to him, that phallus in a sweater vest.) Hendry was hired as director of player development in 1995. The best thing his farm system ever produced was Carlos Zambrano, not a bad pomegranate at all, but too many of his other home-grown pitchers were spectacular talents who had no idea how to pitch or were allowed to throw with such poor mechanics that their shoulders, elbows and psyches all turned into spaghetti. As for his position players, his system gave us a couple of brilliantly athletic greyhounds and a few other serviceably talented guys, none of whom had any idea how to play the game (notice a trend here?) The hallmark of the Hendry-era farm system is the utter lack of focus on fundamentals and smart baseball. Throw in the fact that his draft record has been as woeful as any of his predecessors’ in the last half century, and you’re looking at one crappy baseball boss.

“I Never Heard Of That Rule!”

If the Cubs do indeed lose 90 in 2010, then Hendry’s out. I’m fairly certain that the poverty-stricken A’s will lose 90-100 games this year, which may mean Billy Beane‘ll get the axe as well. Talk about your perfect storm! I want to see what Beane can do running a big-market team. Among my predictions for 2010 and the ensuing off-season is this whistle-in-the-dark: Billy Beane will become the Cubs’ GM.

On the other hand, if the Cubs OD on luck pills this year and sneak into another division championship, Hendry’s safe for another year, maybe two. That’d be bad.

The Cubs will have anywhere from $25M to $40M freed up next off-season. The contracts of Ted Lilly ($12M) and Derrek Lee ($13M) are up and Aramis Ramirez ($15 average over 2011 and ’12) holds a player option. The Athletics‘ total player payroll in 2009 was $62M. What might Beane do with that kind of dough? My mouth waters just to think of it.

Hungry Jim Hendry would probably give long-term deals to Paul Konerko, Edgar Renteria and Jamie Moyer.

Please, please, please, Cubbies — lose 90!

Big Mike: A Position For The Byrd

In the 42 years I’ve been a Cubs fan, the team has had a dependable centerfielder for only five of them. That was Rick Monday from 1972 through 1976. Once in a great while, though, a Cubs centerfielder might flash onto the scene only to disappear almost before we realized we had him.

Bob Dernier teamed with Ryne Sandberg in 1984 to form what Harry Caray christened the Daily Double at the top of the Cubs order. Dernier was as fast as the wind, catching everything that was hit between leftfielder Gary Mathews and rightfielder Keith Moreland, which was pretty much everything that was hot to the outfield. A fairish offensive force, Dernier put in only a single full season with the team.

A half decade later, Jerome Walton exploded on the scene, winning the rookie of the year award in 1989. Speaking of Harry, the old man by that time was mangling the language every time he opened his mouth. Once, when Walton made a nifty catch to squelch an opposition rally, Harry was so excited that when he tried to say Walton’s first name and explain what the kid had done, it all came out as some mash-up that sounded like “Geronimo!” The very next year, Walton turned into a bum.

In 1994, the Cubs installed a 25-year-old kid as leadoff man and centerfielder. In the kid’s first three at bats against Doc Gooden on opening day, he hit three home runs. I wasn’t listening to Harry that day so I can only imagine how he muddled Karl “Tuffy” Rhodes when the kid hit his third home run of the game in the fifth inning. Didn’t matter if Harry ever got the kid’s name right because Rhodes had played himself out of a job by July.

A decade later, Kenny Lofton came aboard in mid-season and sparked the Cubs to a division title. He had the effrontery to criticize Sammy Sosa for missing the cutoff man in a crucial spot during the playoffs so Lofton, naturally, was banished from the team immediately after it was eliminated.

Centerfield reverted to an empty hole in the batting order and the defense until 2008, when Hungry Jim Hendry turned in desperation to an aged Jim Edmonds, who’d just been released by the worst team in the league. A rejuvenated Edmonds hit fairly well and caught everything he could reach — which was a lot less than he could when he was under the age of 65.

So now, Hungry jim, faced with another gaping hole in the middle of the outfield, bestows a three-year, back-loaded contract on one Marlon Byrd, a fair player who nobody else even thought to offer a three-year package to.

Ho hum. The 2010 Cubs will finish with 90 losses. The party, such as it was, is over.

Big Mike: The Bronx Bull?

You’re gonna hate this, AJ. Don’t say you haven’t been warned, but the grapevine has it that the Yanks and the Cubs are talking about a Carlos Zambrano swap.

I’ll tell you flat out, this instant, I want Hungry Jim Hendry to do it.

Nothing would signify a break with the dumb-assed past more than to ship Big Z somewhere — anywhere — else. Don’t get me wrong, Z’s a fine pitcher. Wins 12 to 16 games a year. Always better than average ERAs and peripherals. A fierce competitor.

But he’s pushing 30, baby, and his body is starting to remind him of it. He’s had some back issues recently that could have been alleviated or even avoided altogether had he been doing some serious exercise. Leave it to the goddamned Cubs to let their big-ticket ace pitcher go through life not taking care of his body. Someone should have gotten in his face and said Hey, we’re paying you $15M a year — do some ab crunches!. Of course, knowing the Cubs, they probably send him a dozen fresh creampuffs every morning for breakfast.

Anyway, Z’s make-up is symbolic of much of what’s wrong with the Cubs. He’s uncontrolled, impulsive, reactionary, prone to panic, refuses to think strategically…, I’d better stop before I start crying. Here’s Carlos Zambrano in a nutshell: last year, after striking out in a game, he broke the bat over his knee. This is a freakin’ pitcher we’re talking about!

Trading Z to the Yanks would bring back some prospects and free up the $70M-plus the Cubs owe him over the next four years. Let the big, rich New Yorkers fork over that kind of dough.

In fact, I don’t care of trading him means the Cubs will have no shot in 2010 or even ’11! Right now, Hungry Jim’s ugly, back-loaded NTCs most likely will prevent the team from winning anything in the next couple of years anyway. Big Z’s deal isn’t as bad as Fonzie‘s, but no one going to take Soriano off our hands. Z’s one of the very few assets the Cubs have that would be attractive to any other sane GM in the game.

Big Mike: The Cubs’ Off-season May Start Soon

So now the Mariners come into it, AJ. SI.com is reporting that Seattle and the Cubs are in serious talks about swapping two of the ugliest contracts of recent years, with Milton Bradley heading to the Pacific Northwest and Carlos Silva bound for Wrigley.

Hungry Jim Hendry might even save his job if Silva comes here and does anything. I mean it — the 30-year-old righthander, who has never been anything more than a barely adequate major league starter, could post a 6-8 record with a sub-5 ERA and Hungry Jim would be hailed as a genius. Which would be the ultimate irony because it was Hendry’s rashest decision ever — to bid against himself and give Gameboard a three-year, $30M deal — that got us into this mess in the first place.

I have to think that new Cubs’ boss Tom Ricketts is waiting to see how Hungry Jim extricates himself from this mess before making any decision on his future. If the Cubs, for instance, have to eat the final year of MB’s contract ($12M), then Ricketts must fire Hendry. In trading for Silva, who’s owed $24M over the next two years as opposed to MB’s $21M, the Cubs won’t have to send any cash to the M’s. The deal alone will be seen as a coup, addition by subtraction. As long as Silva doesn’t bludgeon Lou Piniella to death or isn’t caught fondling 12-year-olds, the Cubs will emerge winners in the deal.

Best of all, should the deal go down anythime soon, Hungry Jim and the Cubs can actually commence working on the 2010 team. Fingers crossed.

Big Mike: Making A Cadillac Payment On A Chevy

John Lackey is good. That’s as far as I’ll go. As I wrote earlier, I like good, smart pitchers. I’d rather have a staff filled with competent, cagey starters than one top heavy with an ace and a near-ace followed by a bunch of question marks.

Theo gave Lackey $17M/year for five years. The Boston boss can afford the investment even if Lackey breaks down or suddenly becomes more hittable. The Sox and the Yanks are the only two teams in baseball that can make such a deal with a pitcher of his caliber and not be financially hamstrung for a half decade. More power to Epstein and Brian Cashman.

Had Hungry Jim Hendry or Kenny Williams made the deal, though, I’d have called for their scalps.

Let’s take a look at your new mound star. He has excellent control, rarely gives up a home run and has a decent strike out rate. I’d be worried, though, about his hit-ability. For his career, Lackey has given up 9.1 hits per nine innings. He’s not dominating. At $85M, I’d want dominating. Then again, I’d never make an $85M investment in a pitcher in the first place, even if he gave up only seven hits per nine.

It seems that Lackey hit his peak in 2007, when he was 28, and now has settled in as a nice, plus pitcher. His value isn’t in being the untouchable force of nature that Pedro Martinez was. It’s that, with him, the Boston rotation is becoming full. It’s solid from 1 through 4 with only joker being Clay Buchholz, in the back-end spot. I agree with you — I’d turn the kid over to the highest bidder in a heartbeat in exchange for some more offensive firepower and then look for a number five guy at a bargain rate.

Here’s where I’ll give Theo even more credit. He was reported to be interested in Rich Harden. Thank your lucky stars Harden signed with the Rangers for one year plus a mutual-option second year with a $1M buyout. He’ll make at least $7.5M for 2010 and could, conceivably, earn $20 for the full two years. He ain’t gonna make the 20. Harden’s got electrifying stuff but his control blows and he kills bullpens. I’ve got to think that Theo knew that even better than I do and his purported interest was nothing more than smoke being blown by Harden’s agent.

Instead, Epstein gets a good, solid, dependable righthander. I like the additition of Lackey, AJ, I just don’t like the amount being sunk into him. But, If you’ve got it to sink, you may as well sink it.

Speaking of sinking, the Cubs are still looking for someone to take Milton Bradley off their hands.

Big Mike: My Secret Crush On The Red Sox

AJ, right now I’m feeling nothing but contempt for my Cubs. It’s like a marriage wherein one or the other partner must endure a stretch of loathing for her/his mate in order for the relationship to work out in the long run.

Hungry Jim Hendry didn’t move Milton Bradley during the winter meetings in Indy this week. Maybe he laid the groundwork for a surprise deal in January. It’s possible, but he’d better get it done ASAP because the organization’s off-season activity has screeched to a halt. There’s not much Hungry Jim can do while saddled with Gameboard’s $21 remaining salary.

How Cub-like — the team has the majors’ third highest payroll budget but must proceed like a small market team because so many guys are locked up in dumb-ass, NTC deals. And even if they weren’t NTC’s, most of the guys making big bucks on the Cubs wouldn’t be movable because they’re worth a fraction of their deals in the real world — that is, the world outside Hungry Jim’s fantasy baseball imagination.

Like many a spouse who goes through a period of loathing, I’m starting to get a wandering eye. The Red Sox look awfully good to me. They’re attractive, intelligent, ambitious. They’re nothing like my, ugh, guys.

The Red Sox have essentially the same payroll budget as the Cubs yet they spend oh-so wisely. The Red Sox farm system is productive, not only developing good, useful parts but imparting the proper mindset  and fundamentals to each and every kid within the system. And the Sox play in a decrepit, old-time ballpark from which they must squeeze every dime to keep up with the competition, just like the Cubs. Finally, both are adored by millions. The Red Sox and the Cubs are more than just their city’s pro baseball teams — they are national brands.

The differences between the two teams are personified by their bosses: Theo and Hungry Jim. How I’d love for Theo to be running the Cubs. You have no idea how lucky you are.

Let’s look at what he’s done this past week at Indy:

• They’re the frontrunner for Adrian Beltre, a brilliant gloveman who just might be a damned decent hitter in Fenway (I checked the home-road splits for his career and for the last several seasons — he’s a lot better away from Dodgers Stadium and Safeco Field;)
• They traded an aging Mike Lowell (Theo clearly was worried about Lowell’s surgically-repaired hip) for a high-ceiling catcher, Max Ramirez, pending medical exams on both players;
• They took a minimal-risk flyer on the recuperating, back of the rotation pitcher Boof Bonser;
• In trying to either retain Jason Bay or sign Matt Holliday, they’re bidding smartly against the Mets, rather than panicking (the way you-know-who would) and throwing U.S. mint at one or the other.

And just prior to the meetings, Epstein nabbed shortstop Marco Scutaro who will be the Sox’ most popular player next year, guaranteed.

Theo has a plan, as always. Hungry Jim has none, as always.

My guess is Beltre is signed by Christmas and Bay eventually re-ups. Man, that’s a good freakin’ lineup:

1B: Youkilis

2B: Pedroia

3B: Beltre

SS: Scutaro

LF: Bay

CF: Ellsbury

RF: Drew

C: Martinez

DH: Ortiz

David Ortiz may not be David Ortiz anymore, but even two-thirds of the old Papi is still better than any other full-time DH now in the league. Youk, Pedroia, Bay, Drew, and Martinez are locks to replicate their consistent yearly outputs (barring injury.) Beltre can do what he did in Seattle and still be an asset, flashing that spectacular leather — but again, I think he’s going to hit a Fenway .290 rather than a Safeco .265. And if Ellsbury continues to improve his K/BB ratio, he’ll become a productive offensive force.

That lineup, with Boston’s pitching, has 100 wins written all over it. Yeah, the Yankees may win 105 (now with Granderson in left — Cashman, for my money is almost as brainy as Theo) but the Sox will be the wild card. That’s all they need to be. Once in the playoffs, the team with the hot pitching advances. Why can’t it be Boston?

As for my boys, I iterate: they can win the NL Central with 85-90 wins or just as easily lose 90 games. I think I want to have an affair with the Red Sox.

Big Mike: Anthopoulos Is A Castro Man

This is the season of rumors. They’re flying at me from all directions. For all I know, Hungry Jim Hendry is in negotiation with the Yankees, offering them Aaron Miles and Mike Fontenot for Mickey Mantle’s bas relief from the Hall of Monuments.

Read the fan blogs and anything seems possible. But I just got this one from the official Cubs site where in-house reporter Carrie Muskat writes that the Blue Jays have contacted the Cubs and are dangling Roy Halladay. That’s the same Roy Halladay who has been headed to either the Yankees or Red Sox for the last year and a half.

Roy Halladay, who copped the Cy Young Award back in 2003 and has finished in the top five in voting for that trophy (is it a trophy?) four times since. Roy Halladay, whom the Bombers and the Bosox are reputed to be ready to ship out the cream of their farm systems for.

That Roy Halladay.

Funny thing is, I’m not all that excited about the prospect of Roy Halladay donning the blue pinstripes. What got me hot while reading Muskat’s post was that Toronto’s new GM Alex Anthopoulos wants the Cubs’ sensational shortstop phenom Starlin Castro.

And he’s willing to part with Roy Halladay to get him.

AJ, you know my feelings about ace pitchers. They’re great to have but if you spend too much time trying to get one through the trade or free agent markets, you’re likely to find yourself out a few hundred million dollars while the savior you thought you’d bought is either making rehab starts in the minors (see Johan Santana) or getting slugged all over the lot (see Barry Zito).

So even if the Cubs do acquire Roy Halladay (which they won’t) I wouldn’t be writing them in for a World Series appearance next fall. I don’t want Roy Halladay.

I want Starlin Castro.

Wrigley phenoms traditionally are viewed in Cubworld as the second coming of Willie Mays. In fact, when Leo Durocher was manager, back when I first became a fan, he anointed within five years years Adolfo Phillips, Jimmy Lee McMath and Cleo James each as “another Willie Mays.” If you recognize any of these three, you either really, really, really know your baseball trivia or you’re related to him.

As time went by, the roster of future Cubs greats included Gene Hiser, Brian Rosinski, Ty Griffin, Earl Cunningham, Kevin Orie, Brooks Kieschnick, Luis Montanez and Ryan Harvey. Recognize any of them? You probably wouldn’t even if you were related to one of them.

I eventually surmised that the Cubs strategy was to pump up these guys to the press in hopes that other GMs would think they were actually capable of playing the game. Maybe they figured they could palm them off on some suckers if the kids couldn’t cut it on the North Side. Sadly, few other GMs were as dumb as Cubs’ GMs.

Corey Patterson and Felix Pie are recent Cubs kids for whom the Hall of Fame was carving a plaque before either played a single inning in the bigs. Each year we’d hear that every GM in the game was salivating over them during the hot stove season, but the Cubs, by good god, weren’t gonna let either go, not for all the Roy Halladays in the world. When they finally did deal them, long after they’d proved that the only way they’d get into the Hall of Fame was by buying a ticket, the Cubs got back the likes of Nate Spears and Hank Williamson, each of whom, unlikely as it seems, is more unknown to baseball fans than even Brian Rosinski.

The key thing is, it was always the Cubs who whispered in reporters’ ears that every GM wanted to get his hands on Kevin Orie or Luis Montanez. Invariably, when reporters would check with other GMs about their purported burning desire for one or another Cubs prospect, they’d scratch their heads and respond, “Now, what was that kid’s name again?”

But now it’s an opposing GM who’s saying he wants a Cubs phenom and he’s willing to swap his ace for him.

Starlin Castro is a 19-year-old shortstop who carries a spectacular glove and has hit .300 in the low minors. He mashed Arizona Fall League pitching at a .376 clip in the season just concluded. His appearance is deceiving. He still looks like a Little Leaguer in an oversized batting helmet even though he weighs 190 pounds. The Cubs are fence-sitting when it comes to projecting how soon he’ll push the barely adequate Ryan Theriot over to second base. Cub officials won’t even say publicly he’ll be the starting shortstop for the Double A Tennessee Smokies in 2010. Muskat writes that player development boss Oneri Fleita says Castro’s “really on some kind of fast track…. We know we have a diamond in the rough and we need to take our time, be patient. At the same time, we don’t need to hold the reins on him.”

It almost sounds as if the Cubs are downplaying the kid. But when Alex Anthopoulos calls and says we can have Roy Halladay in exchange for a package headed by Starlin Castro, I’ve got to think this kid may be capable of playing the game.

Big Mike: A Strength Becomes A Problem

My hopes that the Cubs may actually do something in 2010 begin with the team’s strength — the starting pitching. For the past three years, the Cubs have had one of the top starting staffs in the game.

The team’s recent phase of division title contention may have begun, symbolically, when then-owner Sam Zell ordered Hungry Jim Hendry to pad the payroll in order to make the property look more exciting to potential buyers (resulting in the ridiculous Alfonso Soriano deal) but the wins on the field have come about as a direct result of the development of Carlos Zambrano and Ryan Dempster and the signing of Ted Lilly. So, the Cubs’ run began, actually, in 2002 with the insertion of the 21-year-old Zambrano into the rotation.

Big Z ain’t the ace everybody wants him to be (and the Cubs are paying him to be), but he’s a fine major league pitcher whom any team would love to have. I say this despite the fact that his mercurial emotional displays drive me batty and sometimes are detrimental to the team’s success. He shouldn’t be mentioned in the same breath as Tim Lincecum or Johan Santana but he’s a solid hurler. If you have three guys with the talent and capabilities of Carlos Zambrano in your rotation (minus the infantile displays), you’re gonna win a pennant or three.

The Cubs’ outlier division championship in 2003 hinged on a rotation of Kerry Wood, Mark Prior, Zambrano, Matt Clement and Shawn Estes. That’s what won them 88 games that year. We all expected Wood and Prior to be flinging for the Cubs and making all-star teams well into the ‘teens. They would be next Johnson & Schilling, Maddux & Glavine, Koufax & Drysdale or even Washington & Jefferson. Sadly, we discovered that they were so spectacular because each was throwing in a way guaranteed to make spaghetti out of the tendons, ligaments and other soft tissues of his elbow and shoulder.

Not long ago I watched a replay of Wood’s brilliant 20-strikeout one-hitter against the Astros in May of 1998 (MLB has forced You Tube to remove the video due to copyright restrictions — it can be watched for a price). If you ever get a chance, try to see it. Your jaw will drop, as mine did, at Wood’s repertoire of 96-mph fastball, physics-defying curve and downright unfair slider. The movement he put on those pitches made him unhittable on that day (Houston’s only hit was a weak grounder that flicked off third baseman Kevin Orie’s glove).

Was Wood the most talented pitcher in the history of the game? The answer is quite possibly yes. Unfortunately for him — and me and the rest of Cubworld — the reason why no one before or since him has been able to make the ball do the things he did is because the human body will not allow it over a period of years. He must have endured unspeakable pain before his right arm joints broke down.

As for Prior, his motion, which included the now notorious “Inverted W” position, guaranteed his inevitable arm woes.

Sigh.

Anyway, Hungry Jim found a way to rebuild his staff around Big Z and by 2007, Cubs pitchers ranked second in the league in runs allowed despite doing their work in a bandbox. They ranked second again in ’08 and fourth last season.

I flog Hendry regularly for his inability to build a team in a true sense (he’s more a fantasy league-type GM, buying names as opposed to constructing a machine of interacting parts) but I’ve got to hand it to him for inking Ted Lilly as he (Hendry) was hooked up to an EKG monitor in a hospital ICU in December 2006. Lilly’s the kind of pitcher I’d look for in free agency even more than a Sabathia-type ace. At one-third or one-fourth the price of a superstar, Lilly eats innings, almost always turns in a quality start, and frees up money for other needs.

Last season. Lilly was the true ace of the Cubs staff, even making the all-star team. As Cubworld was creaming over his performance, he and the team kept secret the shoulder pain he began to feel in June. Then out of the blue, it was announced that Lilly had undergone arthroscopic surgery on that shoulder in early November. Eek. The Cubs and Lilly are all giddy over the results of the procedure but he won’t be able to start a game until late April at the earliest.

With the loss of Rich Harden to free agency (which is hardly a loss at all, really, because his short outings nuked the bullpen for weeks at a time) the Cubs opening day rotation will be Zambrano and Dempster along with the surprising Randy Wells (can he continue to surprise?) the iffy Sean Marshall, the mediocre Tom Gorzelanny and the overhyped Jeff Samardzija.

Suddenly, that team strength is now a big question mark. My philosophy has always been you can win a World Series with three good starters and a shut-down closer. Now the Cubs have two good starters and closer who’ll either be lights-out or a walk machine.

I’d hate to think my hopes for 2010 will be dashed before the calendar even turns.

Big Mike: A Crazy Idea

Oh AJ, Wrigleyville is wringing its collective hands right now. Fans, reporters, wags, wits and even teething babies are wailing because Milton Bradley hasn’t been traded to the Omsk Oblasts yet.

When he was suspended for the rest of the season in mid-September, it was automatically assumed Bradley’d be exiled forthwith. He’s one of the two most hated Cubs in my memory, the other being the non-hitting, nightlife loving, bird-flipping Todd Hundley. To hear some people describe the situation, you’d think the Cubs will be a shoo-in for the World Series if only they give Gameboard the pink slip.

True. There are more than a few who this moment are calling for the Cubs to forget about trying to trade him — never mind about trying to get a face-saving return in talent for him — and simply fire the fucker. That $21M Tom Ricketts and his sibs owe him? Heck, it ain’t nuthin’ but somebody else’s money.

Monday on Bleed Cubbie Blue, a poster opined that the Cubs ought to keep Bradley, inspiring some 450 comments as of this typing. Most of them were divided over whether they wanted to string up Bradley or the poster. Hungry Jim Hendry also came in for a bit of a tongue-lashing, as if he were intentionally trying to drive Cub-fandom to the precipice by not giving his worst free agent signing ever a free ticket for a doomed Space Shuttle ride.

Like all reactionaries, these panicky Cubs fans are blaming everything on one whipping boy. Lucky Bradley isn’t Mexican or Lou Dobbs would have jumped on him with both feet as well.

Milton may be the first player in history to unite the stat geeks and the “character” lovers. No matter that Bradley ranked second among Cubs regulars last year in On Base Percentage, the holiest of holies among sabermetricians, none but a lunatic or a masochist is calling for Lou Piniella to pencil him into the lineup next spring.

This time — and this one time alone — you and I are going to agree that stats be damned. I don’t care if Milton Bradley gets on base at a 50 percent clip next year (something only five players have done in a season since 1901), he’d better be doing it for anybody but the Cubs.

Oh, come to think of it, I’d take him if he reached base half the time. That kind of production would endear him to me even if he’d voted for McCain/Palin in 2008. Bradley’s not gonna post a .500 OBP, though. He may be a professional hitter, but he’s no Barry Bonds.

The upper limit of his OBP probably would be around .390 or even .400. Nice numbers. Beautiful numbers. Not worth the pain in the ass Bradley inevitably will be.

All that said, at risk of branding myself a masochist or a lunatic, there is one circumstance under which I’d keep Bradley.

It’s my considered non-professional opinion that the man is mentally ill. AJ, believe me, watching him interact with umpires, his manager, his teammates, fans and the press over the length of a year has convinced me that Milton Bradley is certifiably troubled. People want to dismiss him as an asshole or a bad man. These are easy ways out.

One night last season, while the Cubs were at bat during a road game, the TV  camera focused on Bradley sitting on the bench. He wasn’t due up that inning and the game, if I recall correctly, wasn’t all that important or riveting. You might expect a ballplayer with ten seasons’ experience in the big leagues to know that that would be the time to relax, mentally and physically, to conserve his energy for the coming pennant race (which the Cubs, improbably, still thought there’d be).

Yet Bradley sat on those wooden slats as if he expected a Johnny Wadd-model plastic dong to arise out of them and ruin his whole evening as well as the muscle tone of his anal sphincter. No lie. The man was a rubber band pulled way too taut. It looked, even on the TV screen, as if every muscle in his body was flexed. His eyes darted madly, not focusing on anything, not seeing the field or the human beings sitting near him. His look was that of the speed freak or, more likely, the madman.

On those rare occasions when he was videotaped answering reporters’ questions in front of his locker, those eyes darted around just as wildly, never focusing on a specific questioner, apparently only on alert for the man with the knife whom he was sure was going to plant it in his back.

Maybe Milton Bradley is too mad to play the game of baseball or even to hold any kind of a job. But pro sports is notoriously tolerant of personalities who’d be fired from any other kind of a job. Dick Allen wouldn’t have lasted a week in an office. Jimmy Piersall would have been homeless. Ray Lewis would be serving a ten-to-life rap — instead, he’s an All-Pro. Maybe Milton Bradley’s demons exceed those of a chain-smoking degenerate gambler with a death wish, a victim of a nervous breakdown or a man who opted to celebrate his appearance in a Super Bowl by participating in a murder.

He may be mad as a hatter (although his sins haven’t turned me against baseball the way Ray Lewis’s have football). Bradley hasn’t got enough control of his emotions to avoid injuring his knee severely just trying to get close to an umpire so he could argue with him. He’s destructively impulsive enough to be thrown out after his first at bat as a Cub in Wrigley Field. He’s burned more bridges than any ballplayer I can think of, including Piersall and Billy Martin.

But what if his demons can be controlled by drugs? What if Hungry Jim Hendry decides to convince Bradley to see a shrink as opposed to trying to convince another team to take the problem off his hands.

What if Bradley has social anxiety disorder, like Rickey Williams? Paxil helped Williams. Would it help Bradley? How do we know Bradley isn’t battling panic disorder, like Jim Eisenreich did? What if he’s bipolar? Would Zoloft, Prozac Weekly, or Wellbutrin help? Or even some pharmaceutical cocktail?

Maybe the guy needs help as opposed to a trade. What a story it’d be if Bradley, under a regimen of antidepressants and psychotherapy, got on base 40 percent of the time next year, helping the Cubs make the playoffs. Nobody would call him an asshole or a bad man then.

Big Mike: Hermida’s A Smart Pickup

Further proof that Theo Epstein is brilliant — the acquisition of Jeremy Hermida.

 

I love this kid. He’s been playing in a park that kills him. Epstein bought low and there’s next to no risk. If he doesn’t work out, release him. I’d been hoping Hungry Jim Hendry would pick Hermida up for a couple of years now. But, no, he was too busy showering Milton Bradley and Aaron Miles with millions of dollars.

 

Jeremy Hermida may or may not work out for the Red Sox, but his acquisition is the difference between the Carmines (two World Series victories in the last six years) and the Cubs (zero World Series victories since proto-humans descended from the trees in the African savannah some four millions years ago.)